I was standing in the shower today, thinking about where I am now and where I have been. It seems like my life has accelerated beyond my imagination, facing nearly two months in Korea already. But man, thinking about Peace Corps was a trip before my morning coffee and the tug of my dull Mach 3. It seems so long ago, almost like it never happened. Somewhere there are memories, sweat drenched, beer soaked, soar throat memories. Sorting memories of the classroom in San Juan, of the ball park in Dumaguete, of Bo's Coffee in Tacloban, sitting in a nipa hut with friends in Sogod missing home, eating BBQ'd bananas with my coteachers, even the chicken adobo I choked down while in the throes of typhoid. Like images in no particular order and pangs of feelings imprinted somewhere that could never be recorded though still persist. Those days in the Philippines were the best days of my life.
I came to Korea, in part, looking for a fix. I can't say I found it here, though I am having a qualitatively positive experience. I could never consider it a mistake to come to Korea, but I'm afraid the feelings and general well-being of being in the PI are gone and encapsulated in a humid, pressurized kernel, a red pill swallowed long ago.
Amping ka injong tanan Batch 267. Gimingaw kaajo nako ninjo adlawan.
Probably doesn't help if your Facebook feed is full of COS'ing stories like mine is.And you're right...it does feel like a dream.
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly it. It doesn't help at all.
ReplyDeletegimingaw pod nimo ang cabalian sir sean...it's almost 9months since you left here but the memory of u is still fresh and we never forget you here....amping kanunay....from CABALIANON:-)
ReplyDeleteThat was beautifully written, Sean. I understand what you mean. People often ask me if I miss the Phils, even after all that happened. And they are always surprised when I say yes. I think, for us, it's a sense of incompleteness. I don't think that feeling will ever go away. I try to remember that my past shapes the person I am now. If I hadn't left the Phils early I never would have made it to Ukraine and met the wonderful people now in my life. Perhaps the same can be said about you and Korea. I know Korea isn't the same. Ukraine isn't the same thing either. The Phils was a fantastic adventure and chapter of my life that I've had to close and move on from. Embracing Ukraine took time, but after 13 months, I think I'm finally there. Give yourself more time, Sean. Korea will sooth the ache, but I'm afraid it will never go away. But it's what you do with it that counts. And, dear friend, I think you are doing a beautiful job.
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you for missing it Sean. Never again will you have wifi, a 32" flatscreen, pool table, aircon, 60 peso litro beers, mango shakes and sweet cakes on demand, and house-help doing all your chores. Shit, I might move to San Juan after this.
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