It seems as though I spend a lot of my time in Korea waiting for something to happen. Part of it may have to do with a lot of the friends I have made here are getting ready to leave in August, having opted to stick through only one contract; it's difficult not to resonate with the excitement they share via SMS, phone calls, Facebook, etc. But I have chosen to stay. I know what to expect in August: I'll show up to school the day many of them depart and I'll most likely suffer the real though unreasonable feelings of being left behind, wondering if, in fact, this was the right decision.
If Peace Corps was a swing to the direction of living more or less tech-less, Korea has afforded me the revolution of the pendulum and my head is now awash with tech mill rumors, keeping up with the latest information technology trends, Web 2.0, living and thinking in the Cloud and buying gadgets galore. This month, in fact, major software updates are coming to my new Android phone (2.3) and my MacBook (OS 10.7). While there are no specific release dates, both Motorola and Apple have promised the updates will be released this month. I obsessively check the rumor blogs multiple times a day hoping that today (whichever day it is) might be the day. This is proving to be exhausting and the feeling that something could happen any day now has seeped into many aspects of my life.
I never thought of myself to be the kind of guy who lives for the weekends either. But this sort is what I have become. I spend five days a week waiting for two that go by way too quickly. This is problematic; it feels as though I am in jettison, in perpetual motion racing to something which will pass all too quickly and then looking for the next big thing. This is no way to live.
I used to believe that routine is the fastest way to a short life; but my experience this last month or so has revealed otherwise. I'm not exactly sure how to put it into words, but here goes; it is not routine, but anticipation which robs one of "the moment", keeping one's mind and attention one step ahead of one's feet, which accelerates the inevitable demise. No one can be sure what happens next after this dog and pony show which is life, but I, for one, am not in a rush to find out. Nor am I interested in answering the question, " why are we here on earth?" for that matter. I just know I want to accept and appreciate where I am before my 20's, my 30's and so on, becoming memories instead of the inevitable.
I haven't blogged in a long while and I'm not sure if I'll keep it up. But I needed to make a declaration and put this into words where, perchance, friends and family might know some of my more intimate thoughts. I'm done rushing and ready to sit on my balcony, enjoy a beer and the falling rain and going everywhere slowly.
I'm a quarter century old and am in no disposition to rush into the rest of what lies beyond. I'm in a good place, with good people. I may not see everyone as much as I like but damnit, they're important people in my life and for that fact I should sit contentedly and just watch the rain. Many of my friends are going to their respective home countries but many are also staying here.
Peace Corps made me somewhat of an optimist; the self-appointed purpose of my life is to accept warmly those who come into my life and leave an impression on on those who I may with something whole and heart-felt upon our divergence. Folks in their 20's live at a velocity that rarely runs parallel to one another but the vertices of our acquaintances leave the same lines of longitude and latitude which outline the maps of our lives.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Waiting for Something to Happen
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
"If Peace Corps was a swing to the direction of living more or less tech-less, Korea has afforded me the revolution of the pendulum..."technically a revolution involves circular movement and a pendulum operates only in linear motion...it oscillates around a center state but doesn't really revolve. but, you know, i see what you're saying.i think this culture of anticipation that you're describing is being fueled and accelerated by online services such as your facebooks, your twitters, your rss feeds, your mobile access, your what haves and what nots (i didnt know how to end that list). everyone is sitting at a computer, or with their hand on their portable device, waiting to be filled in on some kind of information - whether its a status update or the launch of a new operating software - we're being programmed to need information the second it is created. and that creates a world of anticipation. where the retrieval of knowledge is so immediate that we're always wanting the next thing, not what is already here. and its lame. and its killing our motivation and need for self-discovery, true discovery. let's all just live on farms and hippy communes.
ReplyDeleteHear hear! It's good to have you writing to me (and others I guess) again and I really appreciate what you've shared. A lot of the exact same questions have been on my mind this year and, though I shouldn't be at this point in our lives, I'm surprised to see you doing the same work and reaching the same place. I love you and can wait to see you next month, because I'm gonna enjoy every lived moment between now and then. Right on, brother!
ReplyDeleteThree things Sean: (1) your writing is improving. In grammar, flow, and in the most important aspect of all, "punch." Those quick twists and turns which make writing useful like rough-grade sandpaper. (2) Welcome to most everyone's reality. For those of us, nearly everyone, that have to do something other than pursue our most innate interests to feed ourselves, the run-of-the-mill mundane is nearly inevitable. You're living in a foreign country and even found it there! Eventually, you'll have a "career." I hope you're one of the few that does break the mold, but if not, hobbies outside of work are necessary. (3) Don't just drink one beer, that's a rookie mistake. Get weeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiisssted. <3 JB
ReplyDeleteSean, it's good to hear from you again. I think we're all struggling with "this culture of anticipation," which deflects sustained attention and prevents deep thinking and reflection. Even someone like me, over half a century old, has to resist constant distraction. But I'm sure it's harder for your generation, where multitasking has become a way of life, however ineffective. Enjoy your balcony, the rain, the beer.
ReplyDeleteskulldudgeridoo (Kyle?), I know it's a mixed metaphor and I knew it as I was writing it. Nothing else was coming to me; I appreciate the attention you paid to reading my post.JB, much appreciated but if you could taste Korean beer, you would realize that one is punishment enough ;)Doug, it's great to hear from you. You're finally absolved of the Stanhill scourge that swept Augsburg lo those 7 years. Campus must feel empty :)
ReplyDeleteSean,Despite your laissez-faire life, I hope we get to meet you in Washington State sometime-the light is on and the door open to you.
ReplyDelete